"Get a job." Adrian said.
"Yeah, man," Mark said, "Get a job."
"Make the dishes, would you?" Adrian said.
I applied for every job I could think of. I even applied for jobs over in Silicon Valley, where I hated to go. I applied at all the temporary agencies. I applied for gas station attendants. One morning in October I got a phone call. It was a Sunday morning and I was sleeping when Mare pounded on the door.
"What?" I said, through the door.
"You have a phone call." she said, "It's a woman."
A woman. What woman? I pulled on some pants and went out into the kitchen. There seemed to be a lot of people in there. I picked up the phone. It had a very long cord that was tangled up.
"Hello?" I said.
"Hi, this is Susan!" Susan said.
"Oh, hi, Sue,” I said, “How are you doing?"
I looked around for coffee. I didn't know why Susan was calling. Mare and Marta were in the kitchen. Mare was fixing pancakes for breakfast. Adrian was leaning in the doorway to the living room, cup of coffee in his hand. Mark and Patty and Lisa were out in the living room watching TV. Lisa was Mare's other sister.
"Did you get my letter?" Susan said.
Marta is Mare's little daughter. Marta was five years old. Marta looked exactly like a miniature version of Mare, down to the beauty marks on the cheek and the frizzy hair parted in the middle. Marta was sitting at the table, legs swinging above the floor.
"Uh, yeah, I got a couple of them." I said.
I had gotten a couple of letters. The first one was a mess of fantasy about us as a couple. About love. I didn't know how to answer it. I was three thousand miles away and I didn't want to have anything to do with Susan. I wanted to forget all about Susan. When the next letter came, last week, I hadn't even opened it.
"I didn't get a chance to read it, yet." I said. I wasn't even sure where it was. Mare's pancakes were smelling really good. Marta was pouring milk on cereal. Marta poured very carefully.
"I've been real busy." I said.
"I'm pregnant!" Susan said, just like that. I could hear the italics. Mare's friend Caroline came in with her little girl, Sunshine. Sunshine was the same age as Marta and they were best friends. I thought Caroline was really beautiful, but I just knew she thought I was a dipshit.
"Uh..." I said. I turned around and looked for a quiet place to go.
"You sure?" I said. "I thought you were on the pill."
Ogly scratched at the back door. Adrian went over and opened it up.
"Hey, Ogly!" Adrian said.
"It didn't work!" Susan said.
"Hey Ogly!" Mark said, loud from the living room. "Make the dishes!"
"Oh, shit." I said.
"Yes." Susan said.
I was having trouble breathing. There was a huge wad of some mushy thing between the part of my brain that takes in information and the part that can do anything about it. I felt sweat drip into my eyes. Sunshine dragged a chair around the edge of the table to sit next to Marta. The chair squealed like a pig and the two little girls laughed like sugary bubbles popping. Adrian banged open the drawer where the dog food was.
"Hey, Ogly!" Adrian said, "You hungry?"
"Okay, look, Susan," I said. "Can I call you back in a few minutes? I need to get some coffee."
"Okay." Susan said.
"I'll call you back in a few minutes." I said.
"Okay." Susan said. I hung up.
Mare had a pot of coffee on the stove. Mare's coffee is the strongest blackest most potent stuff I've ever tasted. Mare's coffee was famous throughout Santa Cruz and all the way down to Soquel. I asked Mare if I could have a cup.
"Sure," Mare said, "You okay?"
"I think so, I'll tell you about it later." I said.
"Okay," Mare said. "You want some pancakes?"
Mare had a big bowl full of pancake batter. Mare made everything out of all natural ingredients she got at the local health food store. I'm sure the batter was full of wheat germ, bee pollen, all wheat flour, tofu, brown eggs, unpasteurized goat milk and ginseng. They smelled good cooking.
"Maybe in a bit." I said.
"Hey, wanna play some Frisbee golf?" Adrian said.
"You got the wheels, man!" Mark said loud from the living room.
"Lemme drink my coffee." I said.
Mark had a truck that he bought for fifty dollars, but it was broken down. Mark always bought cars for fifty dollars and they always broke down. Adrian didn't have a car. Patty had a car, but didn't let Adrian drive it because Adrian didn't have a license because Adrian had lost it with a DUI.
When I was halfway through my coffee, I got the phone and dialed Susan's number and went out on the porch. The sun was shining. Sunshine and Blue Skies, I always said. That's why I came to California.
"Hi." I said, when she answered the phone.
"Look," I said, "What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to have it," Susan said, "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know there's all that much I can do." I said.
"You have to tell your parents." Susan said.
"I guess." I said.
"I'm trying to save some money," Susan said, "So I can move out there."
"Uh, Susan," I said, "I don't think that's such a good idea."
I could hear people moving around in the kitchen through the door. I could hear Susan breathing over the phone. I could hear myself saying what I had to say. Saying the truth.
The truth was hard.
"You and me," I said. "There's really nothing there. It just wouldn't work."
Susan was breathing into the phone. The door opened and banged into my back. I looked around and saw Caroline mouthing 'Sorry'. Caroline shut the door.
"We had some good times," I said. Oh god, not that, not the good times speech. That was the stupidest thing I could ever say.
"I mean," I said, "It's just not going to work. You and me, I mean. You better stay there."
"You have to tell your parents." Susan said.
"I'll call them." I said.
"Look, Sue?" I said, "Things'll work out, it'll be okay, okay? I'll send some money when I can, try to help out, okay?"
"Okay," Susan said.
"I'll try to call you next week or so, okay?" I said. "Or why don't you call me, collect, okay?"
"Okay," Susan said.
"Let me know how things are going, okay?"
"Okay," Susan said.
"What about a name." Susan said. Her voice was far away and small on the phone.
"A name." I said, "Oh, I don't know, whatever you decide, okay?"
"Okay," Susan said.
"Okay," I said, "I have to go, now."
"Bye," Susan said.
* * *
I went back inside to hang up the phone. I wasn't hungry. I finished the coffee and felt it rotting my guts. I wanted it to rot my guts.
"Hey, dude!" Adrian said, "Let's go golfing. Anyone for golf?"
"You okay?" Mare said. She looked at me hard. Mare's face reminded me of those drawings of the moon with a smile and knowing eyes. A self-satisfied moon with a curl at each end of her mouth.
"I'll tell you later." I said.
There was a stack of pancakes on a warming pan next to the frying pan Mare was using to cook the pancakes. Mare had a clove cigarette lit and was taking drags between checking and flipping her pancakes. Adrian grabbed a couple of pancakes from the stack with his fingers and put them in his upside down Frisbee. Adrian went to the table and got some butter from the butter bowl using the knife, but then smeared the butter around on the pancakes with his fingers. Adrian poured maple syrup over the pancakes in his Frisbee.
"Let's go, Dude!" Adrian said, "Time flies!"
"Hey Mark!" Adrian said as I followed him through the living room, "Got them doobies rolled?"
"Adrian!" Mark said, like he was Stallone and this was Rocky.
"What, you got pancakes in there?" Mark said.
"And syrup!" Adrian said. "Yum, yum."
"I'm not sittin' in the front with you!"
Adrian climbed into the open back of my little pickup truck. He ate the pancakes with his fingers while I drove up to the UCSC campus. Mark pointed the way to the Frisbee golf course. When we got there, Adrian climbed out and put a bunch of dirt into his Frisbee and rubbed it around with his hands until all the sticky stuff was pretty much gone. He pointed out the first tee for the Frisbee golf course. He held up a little Frisbee.
"Shall we drive?" Adrian said.
"After you!" Mark said.
Adrian turned to me."Hey, man." Adrian said. "Get a Job!"
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