We had to leave for the church at nine thirty. It was a fancy wedding. A Catholic wedding in a Catholic church and so we had to get dressed up. That meant trouble.
Dressing up always meant trouble for Darlene. Darlene had three dress-up dresses that she always wore for dressing up. One dress was a white sort of knit dress with laces up the front over a panel behind the laces that I guess allowed for some variation in size. One dress was a Bali dress. Darlene called it a Bali dress. I think it came from Bali, but I'm not sure. It was a black dress with a stretch waist and a lacy pattern in the top part that reminded me of old art nouveau stained glass lampshades, flowers and birds. One dress wasn't really a dress but a skirt and top combination that was red and had Bali stuff in it too. The red skirt and top Bali combination showed cleavage. The white knit sort of dress showed cleavage. Darlene had a lot of cleavage to show.
This day, this particular day, Darlene was going to wear her white knit sort of dress. Darlene had found a wide brimmed open weave straw hat with a violet ribbon on it that made her look sort of like a southern belle. Darlene had white open-toed sort of high-heeled shoes that accentuated her legs. Darlene had shapely calves and narrow ankles.
I was wearing what I usually wore to weddings. Gray slacks with pleats in front and a cream colored shirt and a shiny narrow tie. Had several shiny narrow ties, including a shiny black one with white dice, a shiny red one with bomber planes and a shiny pink one with salamanders. This day, this particular day, I decided to wear the shiny white one with the piano keys. This was in honor of Eric, the groom, who was a musician.
This was the wedding of Eric and Gabriella, two very tall people. I had known Eric for two years and he had met Gabby last year and now they were getting married. Hadn't seen Eric at all for two months because of the wedding plans.
At nine that morning, that particular morning, I was tying my shiny white piano keys tie when I heard the sniffle. The sniffle that reminded me that this was a dress up day and that dress up days meant trouble for Darlene.
We were in the bedroom. The bedroom was mostly taken up by a huge waterbed frame. The kind of heavy dark wood captain’s bunk type waterbed frame with a huge headboard complete with shelves and drawers and a mirror. Darlene was sitting on the brown vinyl padded side closest to the door that opened into the kitchen. When I heard the sniffle, I turned to look at Darlene.
Darlene was wearing the white knit sort of dress, and had laced up the front halfway, but now she was sitting there looking at her hands playing with the ends of the laces. Darlene's hands were turned palm up resting in her lap and she twisted the ends of the laces between her fingers. Darlene's hair was down over her face. Darlene's hair was so soft and fine, it always was hanging down, even after she pinned it up.
"Dar?" I said, "What's the matter?"
"Nuffin'" Darlene said. Her voice was a squeak.
"What's wrong, Dar?" I said. But I knew what was wrong. I knew when I asked. It was the same wrong thing that was wrong every time it was a dress up day for Darlene. It was the same trouble that was always trouble on dress up day, and I knew it, but I asked anyway.
"Oh, Bunny," Darlene said. Her voice was high and shaky. She looked up at me.
Darlene's mascara had run with her tears, black watery streaks down her cheeks like watercolors. Like those cheap blocky watercolor chunks that come in a metal box with a plastic brush. Watery black running down over her round red freckled cheeks, next to her round turned up nose with the comma shaped nostrils. Darlene's upper lip was sucked into her mouth and her lower lip and chin trembled while the watery black mascara tears ran down to her chin on either side of her mouth.
I sat down next to Darlene and put my arm around her.
"What's the matter, Dar?" I said. But I knew what the matter was.
"Oh, Bunny," Darlene said, "I can't go."
"Why not?" I said. But I knew why not.
"I look terrible." Darlene said.
"No, you don't. Dar." I said, "You look just fine, this dress looks real pretty on you."
"No, it doesn't," Darlene said, "It looks terrible!"
"Sure it does," I said, "It looks great on you."
Darlene sniffled.
"Why don't you think it looks good?" I said. But I knew why.
"It looks terrible!" Darlene said.
"Well," I said, "What about that other dress. That Bali dress. That always looks good on you."
"It won't look good either!" Darlene said.
"Sure it will," I said, "Why wouldn't it?" I said. But I knew why it wouldn't.
"'Cause of me!" Darlene said. More watery mascara was coming down her face now. Her voice was shaking more. Her shoulders were shaking more.
"What do you mean?" I said, "You look just fine!" I said. But I knew what she meant.
"'Cause I'm fat and ugly!" Darlene said. Darlene pushed her face into my shoulder. Darlene made quiet whiny sounds. I put both arms around her.
"No, that's not true," I said, "You're beautiful."
"I'm f..f..fat!" she said. Darlene’s shoulders went up and down with every f.
"Oh, come on honey, you're not fat," I said, "You're just a chubette."
"I'm fat and ugly!" Darlene said. She said it hard into my neck.
I let Darlene cry for another few minutes. I watched the backward clock in the kitchen, the clock that had numbers from 1 to 12 going counterclockwise and the hands went that way too. I'd bought that clock at a yard sale and then painted the gold plastic housing black so it wouldn't look so cheesy. The clock in the kitchen got to nine fifteen. Then it was time for the next step.
"Okay, Dar," I said, "We've got to get going."
"I can't go!" Darlene said. "I'm too fat."
"Look," I said, "You're not too fat. You're not any fatter than you were yesterday, and you looked fine then."
"I don't think so," Darlene said.
"Look," I said. "I don't think you're too fat. If you think you're too fat, then you can do something about it. You can exercise or go on a diet or something."
"That won't help today!" Darlene said. Darlene stood up and began lacing her bodice the rest of the way up. She sucked her lower lip into her mouth and sniffled.
"No, it won't," I said, "But it'll help for next time. Now let's get going."
"Are you sure I look okay?"
"Positive." I said, "You look fine in that dress. You just have to fix your mascara and put your hat on and you'll be the most beautiful bunny there."
Darlene smiled the smile that made her cheeks all puff out and looked at me with her shiny eyes.
"Oh, Bunny," Darlene said, "No, I won't."
* * *
The wedding was in a little chapel next to the main cathedral. There were about two hundred guests jammed into the little chapel. Darlene and I were crowded into the middle of a row. I looked at all the room up near the ceiling of the church and tried to ignore the people jammed in around me. All tall people. I tried to forget that there were at least fifty tall people between me and the door. I tried to take deep breaths. The service was traditional Catholic plus it was Mexican Catholic so there was a Mexican child's choir and a small Mariachi band. I could barely see Eric and Gabby through all the tall people. Darlene and I squeezed hands and bumped shoulders when the vows were being said.
After the ceremony, we all got to get outside. Outside where the air was. Outside where the sunshine was. After the ceremony, I wanted to go up to Eric and Gabby where they stood on the grass by the walkway and say congratulations. Darlene had hold of my hand and was squeezing as she tried to balance stepping from stone to stone on the grass. The stones were set each one separated from the other by a few inches in the grass. A lot of people were standing and walking and side stepping and moving back and forth and trying to stay on the same stones Darlene was trying to stay on and they were all taller than us and none of them saw us. I guess we were so short we were invisible. Happens all the time. Eric and Gabby were standing there a little off the path and I pulled my hand out of Darlene's hand and tried to get up close to them, but all the tall people couldn't see me and kept getting in my way. I could see Darlene moving around back there by the stones and she was looking at me, her eyes were dark eyes and her eyebrows pulled together and her mouth hard, lips tight. Finally I gave up trying to say congratulations to Eric and Gabby and went and got Darlene. She grabbed onto my hand and leaned while we walked across the front lawn of the chapel to the sidewalk. I walked. Darlene tiptoed, trying to keep her heels from sinking into the lawn.
"That wasn't very nice, Bunny." Darlene said.
"What," I said. But I knew what.
"You left me alone."
"You were twenty feet away," I said, "I just wanted to congratulate them."
"I couldn't follow you," Darlene said, "My heels kept getting stuck."
"I'm sorry," I said. But I wasn't sorry. I was sick of it.
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